Reader mail

One of the people who read my blog wrote me a note, and I thought she had a good question. Why do I write this, after exhorting people to “move on”. While the writer meant it as a honest, serious question, it also happens to be a common criticism from the people who want to erase the distinction between transgender and transsexual. So I’ll answer and handle two things at once.

I want to clear something up: My main focus is not about transition, and I am not particularly interested in trying to counsel people, or argue about personalities or make judgments on specific people. Occasionally someone starts a conversation in the comments section and in genuine concern for this person, I’ll give my opinion of what will lead to the greatest happiness, long term, for the post-transsexual person.

I write under the assumption that the vast majority of people who are coping with real transsexualism have come to an understanding of what is really going on long before they get to the internet, and blogs like this. To speak to them of these things is preaching to the choir. I do however hope to offer an alternative viewpoint to those few real transsexual people who read blogs with an eye to their future plans, that may yet be solidifying them and are thinking about involving themselves with the TG.

I am not telling people that to be a “real transsexual” you have to pursue correction in any particular fashion. The notion that process and surgery defines who is and isn’t transsexual is totally false; we are born, not scheduled in.

In fact, I am not interested in sorting people into bins at all, except when they attempt to do so to me. It is a strange situation when good manners in dealing with people also push you to the limits of sanity… and addressing certain TG glitterati by their preferred pronouns naturally sticks in your throat. What I am saying, to those who will listen, is that putting the needs of transsexual men and women into the hands of patently non-transsexual “TG” care is a recipe for disaster.

So, here’s my response to that letter.

Hello πŸ™‚

I’m not really writing a blog about how people should transition. I’m writing about how there is such a thing as a real transsexual biological condition, and that we who have experienced it are ill-served by the assumption that we are all supportive of a particular brand of politics. Namely, that we all are automatically part of the GLBT, and beholden to anyone speaking in that group who calls themselves transgender. I find it intolerable that crossdressing men speak on women’s issues, and even more outrageous is their casual assumption that we should shut up and let them do all the talking.

My main goal is to put out a lamp in the darkness for people who may be questioning their sudden forced inclusion in the GLBT ghetto. I’m not interested in creating some GLBT-style group, political action committee, public persona, or some weird movement. It’s just about telling people like you and me it’s ok to go your own way. Don’t feel guilty about taking care of yourself; you really are different from them. They certainly wouldn’t lift a finger to help any of us, and in many cases these “community leaders” are actively hostile to our interests. Case in point is the ridiculous way they bring suit against various states to advance the transgender agenda, which usually ends up costing us some hard-won legal gains that we have enjoyed for decades, such as the ability to change our birth certificates.

That brings me to the other reason I write. I see a terrible danger to us because it costs these people NOTHING to roll the dice with our rights. They claim to be us, go into court, and if they win, great. Usually they don’t, and we (transsexual background people) have a set back. No big deal to the transgender lobby, they still have everything they had before, i.e. the rights of their birth sex plus more due to their appropriation of “transsexual”. They can keep gambling away using our legal status until its all gone and shrug their shoulders and say “Oh well”, before moving on to their next kink.

Sorry to be so wordy, I just wanted to tell you why I still care. Yes, I have moved on in my real (non-internet) life as you have. At the same time I am not blind to the danger of poisonous politics. This stuff can still come back and bite us, and we should at least have one eye on the GLBT as long as that construct exists in its current form that claims us as constituents. With any luck, we can get some other people to say “enough is enough” too, and start voicing their concerns.

Take care, and thanks for writing πŸ™‚

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12 Responses to Reader mail

  1. marie931 says:

    For what it’s worth, I wish I had bumped into you when I first started researching transitioning. My oh my, the fears you may have saved me from.

    I will say that the TG community that “supported” me through my transition was made up of some of the most beautiful and compassionate people I’ve ever met. I’m not sure they realize what they’re doing, or the consequences of their ignorance. I don’t think they’re intentionally destructive, but rather just very misdirected by their internalized, unresolved shame.

    The main reason I needed them to hold my hand was because of how terrified I was. But the reason I was terrified was because they told me I should be. There seems to be this self-perpetuating dynamic of savior and saved, martyrs and victims which binds that community together.

    So thank you for this blog. I’d imagine there are people starting out who hopefully find their way here before getting lost in the fears and victimhood of the TG world.

  2. marie931 says:

    I would like to one day just identify as female.

    And that, IMHO, is what will get you into trouble. It’s TG-thinking.

    TGs crossdress, wonder why, conclude it’s because they’re really “women inside,” decide that they then “identify” as women, and thrust that assertion upon the world, demanding recognition as such.

    IMHO, ordinary women don’t “identify” as women, as they don’t have to. They just live their lives, and context and society tells them what they “are.”

    I don’t know if I’m “really female.” And not because I can’t answer the question, but rather because I don’t ASK it. It is what it is. My life doesn’t revolve around my gender or exploring gender issues. I don’t care about it, I just live my life and let those details take care of themselves.

  3. zoesuzanna says:

    GQ – I’m going to present these questions again because I don’t feel you really absorbed what I was trying to get at:

    GQ, your question ventures into the area of personal ethics and life philosophy. How do you want to live your life? Do you believe you need to fight for what your mind deems it needs respect for? What is it you need to be respected for?

    Does that object you deem worthy of respect exist in reality at all or is it only in your mind and in the minds others as something socially acceptable?

    I, nor does anyone else needs to hear your answers to these questions. I meant for you to take them internally and perhaps meditate on them, analyze them carefully.

    Furthermore, I would suggest you analyze four fears carefully – meditate – really look deep and ask yourself why you’re obsessed with passing if as you’ve told us, you can pass –

    As marie said – just be yourself instead of worrying about an identity which will only really exist in your mind which will lead you to wonder if you can be accepted by others. Don’t live your life for others acceptance!

    When you are living as yourself – you will naturally just BE. If you try to live as some identity – you will not BE yourself.

    A book to point you in that direction is The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle.

  4. zoesuzanna says:

    GQ, I am going to present these questions again as I think you missed the point of me asking them:

    —GQ, your question ventures into the area of personal ethics and life philosophy. How do you want to live your life? Do you believe you need to fight for what your mind deems it needs respect for? What is it you need to be respected for?

    Does that object you deem worthy of respect exist in reality at all or is it only in your mind and in the minds others as something socially acceptable?

    I ask you to take your time with these questions and meditate on them – myself nor others need to hear your answers – only you need to HEAR them.

    Furthermore, meditate on your fears and your obsession with passing. As marie said, when you live your life as you are, you wont have to TRY to be some mind-conceived notion of what a female is – Just BE

    Who you are is really beyond anything the mind can concived and when you limit yourself to trying to live up to an identity – you distort and cover up who you really are. You don’t need to live your life for other’s acceptance – Live for yourself – no one else.

    A book that may be of help is “The Power of Now” by Ekhart Tolle….

  5. GQ.

    Dial it in. Not only are you over-responding so much it’s tedious, but now you’re even starting to just endlessly repeat yourself.

    What happened to your declaration of backing off to just listen and learn?

    The question is rhetorical. It is not necessary to respond.

  6. marie931 says:

    Awl Anonymous, ya know I did the same thing too in the beginning. I asked question after question just to buy myself time to find the courage – and fish for justifications – to do what I knew I was going to do anyway πŸ˜‰

  7. leighspov says:

    We have no control over what others think of us except to be the best ambassador we can be for our own selves.

    I think aria makes a good point in that the TG have nothing to lose. They sit at the table and play with our money. We enter an exclusive club, apply for membership and are accepted or rejected on how we behave and present ourselves. Then along come others who seek membership but force their way in under false pretences and pretty soon nobody is allowed to join. Thats the situation now as I see it. Where once many of us were given the chance to join, the membership rules have changed and we find ourselves without a home.

    We must not allow the tg to close the door for us. We must speak out in the hope that someone will listen. The problem with that is that in so doing it makes us seem harsh and discriminatory. We are in a precarious position to say the least.

  8. leighspov says:

    Happy New Year Everyone πŸ™‚

  9. Happy New Year Leigh, Everyone πŸ™‚

  10. Aria Blue says:

    Happy New Year! And Leigh, I wish you would write something once in awhile. I miss those articles from you and SA πŸ™‚

  11. leighspov says:

    The truth ? … my dear girl .. the world can’t handle the truth

  12. lol

    i hope you quoted that properly by pounding the table as you typed, Leigh.