I don’t like to write about myself or talk about my life because writing on this topic is about the issues, not my ego. I want to focus on those issues and not make things all about me. Confronting transgender dogma, to me, is not a source of personal affirmation. My womanhood does not rest on the opinions of petty gender tyrants. It comes from from the wellspring within and flows naturally from deep self-knowledge. It cannot be granted by experts.
Also, it’s too easy to lose focus on your goal when you start involving personalities and all that comes with that dynamic. He said, she said, and nobody can keep their mind on anything but the sideshow. I didn’t like cliques in high school and I don’t like them now. So I thought I’d write a post all about me anyway.
There is nothing remarkable about me at all. I am not special. I don’t have a life full of miraculous achievements. I’m not a CEO and I’ve never run into a burning house to save a baby. I’m not a jet pilot or a supermodel. I don’t own a billion dollar company and I don’t consort with kings. On the mundane topic of sex change, I didn’t transition especially early or especially late. I’m not a girly-girl “transkid” and I’m not a type-A go getter that decided to switch things up midlife to for shock value. When it comes to transsexuals, I am completely average in every way. I am not better or worse than anyone else. I’m just a regular, normal, boring person.
I wrote the previous paragraph to illustrate the difference between what came before and what will come in the future. The history of the tg movement and the conflicts arising thereof has been one of asserting superior credentials to establish dominance. This also bled over into the cliques that arose to oppose them, which gave them the appearance of just being splinter tg groups. This is something that happened with the “HBS” thing. I really like Charlotte (Spanish HBS founder) and respect her work. It’s a shame her efforts are hampered by the same cliquish attitude among the members of her groups that feeds into the tg merry-go-round. I hope at some point she can get that straightened out.
In the “tg movement”, anyone who questioned the mantra was branded a heathen and cast out. The dominant members, as established by the superiority game, dispense dogma in place of facts, and these papal edicts were repeated by the faithful as a mantra. There was a similar pattern playing out in on the flipside anti-tg cliques, and round and round it went. That’s the way it was.
But that’s not the way it’s always going to be. For the conversation to change, people have to be willing to go against the status quo. This is never an easy proposition and social pressure to conform is enormous. If it isn’t the pressure to belong to the tg clique, it’s the pressure to not violate the new normal that has been established. It became unacceptable to tell the emperor he has no clothes.
If things are to move forward, we must establish a new paradigm. We have to do away with the unearned authority created by hierarchy and replace it with the simple respect accorded to people who bring good ideas to the table. We have to dethrone the CEO; no more big bosses telling everyone how things are going to be, or handing out judgments of non-womanhood as punishment for disobedience. We must reject the rock star credentialist model that the transgender have adopted. Change does not come by creating gods to walk among us.
So who is “we”? “We” is anybody who wants to put an end to the partisan bickering that we’ve had in place of real change. That means any transsexual person or others such as crossdressers involved in this issue. I realize there are a number of transsexual people who use the term transgender or subscribe to the gender theory. To the degree that this affects their real life and politics, this is not simply a personal issue because our lives touch so many others. People must understand that they cannot ride the fence when it comes to transition- and that’s not a political statement. If you are transsexual, fix it. Shit or get off the pot.
If you are transsexual you will never have peace until you stop playing the tg game and do what you must; there are no half measures that will give you enough peace to continue on in your old life, or the new. And make no mistake, as long as you try to hold on to anything from before, you will be living that old life. The fantasy world the TG present you with does not exist; there is no middle country where people can live an à la carte gender lifestyle. People are going to judge you male or female on their own and you have no say in the matter. Some of the angriest email I get is from people who I think just have buyer’s remorse over tg and can’t figure a way to move forward in their life. TG has a religious component and can become so ingrained to a person’s worldview that any challenge to transgender is perceived as a personal threat. TG can replace a sense of self for those in desperate need. This must change too.
But change isn’t easy! Those who go first must suffer the slings and arrows. They must be willing to absorb horrible attacks from other people. They have to have the strength to move forward when everyone is against them, even people who used to call themselves your friends. And when you do accomplish your goal you have to accept that you will always be thought of negatively even after your cause has prevailed. People will remember the acid and so it will always etch you. You just have to live with it. Very few people are willing to do this.
So I think of myself in all this as simply breaking trail for those who will follow. I have to grind through the unpleasantness so that other people after me can speak more freely. And from there the solution will grow organically, without authoritarian top-down direction from our “betters”.
I don’t expect to rule over any clique. I don’t want accolades. My self-esteem does not rest on the outcome of this or any other fight. I do this because I am driven by a need to see the truth of my birth condition triumph over the self-serving false transgender paradigm. I just can’t stand to see what is wrong being portrayed as what is right. The world is upside down and I want to see it right side up again.
I don’t care about who gets credit, I just want to see this done. The truth will set us free- all of us, transsexual, crossdressers, gays and lesbians, and anyone else who is currently trapped in the rotting carcass of the politics of this dying saeculum. Once people can speak the truth again I believe these problems will all resolve. And someday when I see that people can speak freely and without censure, I will know we have all won. That’s the true reward of activism.