The answer to your question. (Why can’t people see me as a 3rd “Gender”?)

One of the constant gripes heard from the TG/trans* crowd is that their special trans* concerns are never part of the GLBT agenda.  They complain that “cis, white, gay men” are  always the spokespeople for their movement.  This is often followed by the question, “Why?”.

The answer is that gay men and lesbian women see you as gays and lesbians who simply having a problem accepting yourselves.  That is how the rest of the world sees you too.  It is only in your own little group of trans*people that anyone believes that you are something other than male or female.  When one of the few gays or lesbians send a few nice words your way, that is because they feel pity and are just humoring you.  They probably feel that it isn’t really their place to correct you on your journey to wherever it is in the gay world you are going.

The point of saying these things is not to shame and humiliate, but to let certain people know the truth of what they are doing with their lives.  We all gravitate towards the groups and communities with which we naturally find affinity.  Gay men may find a place in the gay community.  TG/Trans* used to find a place in the gay or lesbian community, though over time they found themselves excluded and formed their own trans* affiliations.  This last is important, because often TG/trans* people mistake their lack of comfort in the gay community as a sign they are special and belong somewhere else, when really they are struggling to create a new identity within the gay community and are facing pushback from gays and lesbians who do not want this new niche created.  The trans* argument, then, is largely with the GLBT and not society as a whole in many cases.  Though when you have a the-whole-world-is-against-me lifestyle its easy to get your perceived enemies all mixed up.

Transsexual people, of course, find no affinity with the gay and lesbian community unless they happen to be gay or lesbian themselves.  We seek out like-minded men and women in our own communities to form friendships the same as any other man or woman.  There is no special requirement for the groups we join because we are just like the people around us, and thus we feel an “affinity” for mainstream culture the same as everyone else.  This isn’t done as a slap in the face to “other trans* people”, or as some political statement against the GLBT, or to run from who we really are.  We find a home here and form friendships here because that really is who we are.  We aren’t pretending to be straight.  We are straight.  I don’t think too many of us expect people in the GLBT to understand this, but we do expect you all to respect it.

It’s very important that this pollyanna illusion of what is possible for crossdressers and effeminate gay men is dispelled.  How often does trans* have a happy ending?

Regardless of who someone ‘really is’, there are choices we all make.  I don’t worry too much about judging who was born with the transsexual syndrome and who wasn’t because the answer is rather obvious, even to people who are deep in denial.  That’s because the outcome of any transition is pre-ordained:  If you are transsexual you go down one path, one with a known outcome and positive ending.  If you are TG/trans* you go down another path, a much shorter one.  Your choices have consequences, and you can’t have it both ways as the TG try to do.  Some choices are either/or, and permanent.  And if a transsexual person makes the wrong choice, choosing to be TG because they have been fooled by the propaganda, the consequences are just as disastrous as if they hadn’t transitioned at all.  Choose wisely.

If you are a woman or a man, then that’s what you must be.  There are no excuses.  There is no second place.  There is no comfortable spot between genders specially tailored for each individual, transsexual or otherwise.  The lack of a 3rd gender space for people who don’t feel like dealing with society’s standards is not a civil rights issue.  It’s a fashion statement.  Fashion statements will never be writ into law.

The lack of social acceptance for the sexual fluidity of people who are uncomfortable with their sexual orientation, and who often find themselves toying with “gender” as a result, is not a cause to march in the streets in its own right.  It’s not a special sub-category that deserves its own letter.  It falls firmly in the world of gay issues.  Accepting yourself and your sexuality is the answer, not following some pied piper touting gender theory.  This, however, has nothing to do with transsexualism.

If you grasp at transsexualism to deal with your sexual orientation related issues, you are taking a wrong turn.  This path is not for anyone but the born transsexual.  It is not simply one of the many wonderful life journeys people make; it will lead you to misery and ruin.  Gay men who transition will end up like Josef Kirchner.  Crossdressers need to get it under control as well, or you will drive off your families and end up alone like all the people who populate the gender groups.  Letting your sexual hobby get the best of you will damage your families forever.

There is no such thing as “a little bit transsexual”.   Just in case you were wondering.

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2 Responses to The answer to your question. (Why can’t people see me as a 3rd “Gender”?)

  1. Kathryn says:

    All very true, but one doubts if those that need to take heed of it will do so.
    One of the hardest things any of us have to do is to really see ourselves in a true light. That process is often a painful one, and I would venture to suggest that the folk in the CD/TG groups who so stridently claim to be at least a “little bit transsexual” are unwilling to “know themselves” at the deep level necessary to put an end to their nonsense and delusional thinking.
    Very few people ever do this self-examination in an objective way, but it is a universally necessary adjunct to a successful transition process for the genuinely transsexual person.

  2. lisalee18wheeler says:

    ~And if a transsexual person makes the wrong choice, choosing to be TG because they have been fooled by the propaganda, the consequences are just as disastrous as if they hadn’t transitioned at all. Choose wisely.~

    Is it possible for the obvious to be *too* obvious…? 🙂

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